MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Good Morning and Merry Christmas. I know it is Christmas Eve, but what a special day and a beautiful opportunity to get our mind and heart ready and right for Christmas Day… A quick update and then a few thoughts about Christmas.
Talked with Dr. Patel yesterday evening. Not much good news regarding the biopsy from the brain tumor. The tumor is at a stage 3/4. Really no reason to do any surgery. We will meet with her next week to remove the staples from my head and she is going to get me setup with someone to discuss radiation or chemotherapy which might be beneficial. Those might give me a few more months without impacting memory etc. too greatly. She said she has seen people who last 6 months and some a couple of years. So… I am grateful for today. She and I will discuss my ability to do any counseling work but that may be done, which really stinks but we will see how that goes. I am unemployed but other than health care and good coffee, really don’t need much these days. Just time with my wife, kids, family and friends.
Last night I spent some time thinking about Dr. Ron Beasley. Ron was a fascinating man. He was a youth minister for years and then ended up getting his PHD and became a psychologist. He was a great husband, father and athlete who suddenly and tragically died a couple of years ago. Ron was a man and friend that impacted my life in a huge way.
In December, 1997 he and I were running. We had run 3-5 miles and were walking it off after finishing and talking a few minutes. I was telling him how much I hated Christmas and wanted it to be done and over. I told him how it always reminded me of growing up without a father and had a negative impact on me every year. He listened graciously and then ask. “What about your kids??? They have a dad and need to love Christmas.” That statement hit me between the eyes in a powerful way. Ron went his way home and I turned back to my house thinking about his statement.
My children were 3 to almost 7 at that time. They loved Christmas and had a father who loved them. It was this powerful moment that slowly begin to shift my mindset and focus not on “my childhood with no father” but began to refocus on “being a father with 3 beautiful children and my opportunity to do life and influence their lives.”
It did not change everything that year but over the years my focus really did begin to change. It became less about my childhood and being fatherless, but learning and understanding my new reality was I was a father and I needed, wanted to learn how to be present for my kids. Ron helped me begin to value that opportunity not just at Christmas time but day to day. Growing up without my dad who died of cancer, that was out of my control. Learning how to be present and love my children was an area of my life I had complete control.
I take this same idea today. I can’t control that I have a brain tumor. I really don’t understand how this has happened, but I have complete control of my mindset. This is such a big idea in every area of life. Now with a brain tumor over the months I will genuinely loose some control of my mindset, that really sucks but at 57 with years of work and reflection I still understand I get to choose my mindset each day. Mindfulness is about choosing each day, MY MINDSET….. This makes a huge difference.
Positive mindset is not about being ignorant or close minded about some very real challenges we each face. That is this life of living in a broken world. You have real pain and suffering that are a part of this life. Some of that because of your own choices and some of it stuff that you had no choice or part in, but you have had to deal with. In every situation you get to choose how you see yourself and who you want to be each day. Choose life, joy, peace, love and understanding. Choose to see how you can impact and influence someone else in your life. This doesn’t eliminate your pain or struggle but it absolutely gives your life meaning.
You matter and your life has meaning. I want each of you to have a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the opportunity today and hopefully tomorrow to extend love and grace to someone in your life that needs to experience that reality. It’s amazing, and it creates a win win dynamic. When you love others well you really are loving yourself well.
Ron Beasley loved me well and my hope was it brought him some joy and peace. I did go to his house months later and thank him for how him impacted my life. Over the years I have tried to be a little more like Ron and the Jesus that I saw him model so beautifully.
You are loved and Merry Christmas!!!!!
Peace,