“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Big day today. I am so grateful for so many of you who have reached out. Your thoughts and prayers mean more than you can realize and again, I apologize that I am not responding to each of you. But again, thank you, it helps. I want to share a few thoughts, walk Gracie and get ready to head to the hospital.
My morning started early and like most days it started with a bad headache. I walked in the kitchen to start coffee, (Dr said I could have coffee this morning but no food). Natalie had left me a note. My biggest struggle in all of this is what it is doing to my wife and kids. Her note was beautiful and stirred some thoughts and tears. My next thought was “This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it.” That didn’t eliminate some of the heavy feelings I was experiencing, but it was a nice reset to what is ultimately true. I have to remember this often right now. I have today, and I am grateful for that truth.
I want to throw something out there that makes me a little uncomfortable, and I think I might feel better to go ahead and share my thoughts. I have mentioned my biggest fear in all of this is work and income, which in some ways seems silly. All of my life, I have had multiple jobs. Most of my life, my primary work was being a pastor. I started in youth ministry, have done college, singles, adult, recovery and pastoral counseling over the last 30 years. All of those year, I had another kind of part time work. I cleaned offices at night, was a corporate chaplain for years, did a workout group at my house at 5:30 in the morning for 3 years, and started my counseling practice on the side while doing ministry work. None of this was money motivated. It was about doing some things I loved and supporting my family.
I transitioned to full time counseling work in mid-September. That was exciting and a little scary. Basically for the first time in my life I was self-employed and had the opportunity to make a little more money. In October, I made the biggest paycheck I have ever made upon the heals of the last paycheck I made $625…one of the lowest paychecks I have ever made. The last month and a half I have not been able to work much and the last two weeks not at all. With this brain tumor, my counseling work may be done and that is hard to get a handle on.
My sister, with out my knowledge, started a go-fund me for me. That makes me very uncomfortable. I love her and greatly appreciate what she is trying to do. I am at a point if anyone wants to help out there I will take that. We have spent over $8,000 on Dr stuff already and we may just be getting started. My daughter is getting married next month, and I could not be more excited for her and Cole. I am grateful for my Dr and the care I am getting, but at times I go back to the reality… I have no income today. That is scary.
I want to be clear I expect no one to give me money, that feels really needy and uncomfortable. I go back to God will provide. This world is full of people who are challenged financially. I have been very blessed and fortunate to earn money my entire life. This life is not about making money for me. I am going to have to stop. Hospital just called and they wants me to come in earlier.
What I do need is your prayers, and I need you to love my wife and children. I have to lean into what I know is true.“This is the day that the Lord has made; let ME rejoice and be glad in it.” Join me today. Whatever hard and challenging thing you are going through remember you are loved and of great value. If this goes well today, I will be back home tomorrow and hopefully continuing to share some thoughts with you.
Peace,