“WHAT MATTERS”
Good Morning and I hope you are staying warm. Most of us are actually experiencing a little winter. The last several years in TX. it seems like winter has gone away but not for the next 5-6 days.
I can’t figure this out but, I have probably felt better this week than I have in the last two months. Counting today I have 8 days of radiation left. I am still on chemotherapy as well but have actually felt much better this week. I am going to give many of you credit for that. The notes, emails and prayers are making a difference. Thank you!!! and I apologize for not responding to each one of you individually but I have not been able to do that.
I was going to share a thought based on a picture and of course I can’t get the picture posted for some reason. I am a technical train wreck. I have been using an Apple computer for the last 20 years and still can’t figure out much. The picture is one that would show you the area of hair loss I am experiencing from the radiation. So here are a few thoughts around that experience.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Henry David Thoreau
Let me first establish a very important idea around this. One of the gifts I experienced doing ministry, and counseling with people over the years is centered around my understanding of “judgement.” The basic idea is as a christian I am not suppose to judge others. This is very clear in scripture and yet my personal experience and my work in ministry for almost 30 years is that “Christians” can be some of the most judgmental people on the planet. I do not want to be that guy! I don’t want to judge, I do want to observe. When I engage with people and observe, it helps me better understand their story, who they are and what life experiences have shaped them. When I judge people that window get’s closed. I then miss truly seeing people for who they are and how their life experiences have shaped and influenced that. Sometimes in positive and sometimes negative ways.
So, back to today’s thought. What really matters to you and why?
In May of 2018 I got to go to Mexico with the John Staley and his family to officiate his daughter’s wedding. I love John and his friendship had made a huge difference in my life. On this trip and maybe because I had been out in the sun. Natalie mentioned for the first time my hair was thinning. I remember looking in the mirror and being a little terrified. I have always had thick hair and it was getting a lot of gray but still thick. It was the first time in my life I started to think about the possibility of balding and it freaked me out a little.
Fast forward to today and the Dr. telling me that the radiation would cause me to have a bald spot. I can tell you honestly, that did not matter to me for a second. All of a sudden what mattered much more than my hair was being alive. Maybe a silly example but I have been thinking about what really matters in this life. I am realizing maybe there have been things in my life that I thought mattered a lot but some of those things may not matter much at all.
I want to be mindful and careful with privacy of my clients. I don’t think this will violate that. I had a client that I worked with for quite a while who was dealing with some serious cancer issues and the potential of dying if things did not get healed and under control. This client was female and I had gotten the initial intake info, I knew she had cancer. When I went into the lobby to get her the first time she was completely bald and not wearing a hat, wig or anything to cover up her hair loss. I was so amazed at that!
She shared some thoughts on that the first time we met. I remember as I observed, being so impressed and respecting how she was managing and walking thorough this process. She will never understand how much that encouraged me then and how helpful it has been as I also walk through this process. What I saw in her, was a women who was really beginning to focus on what truly mattered to her.
So what matters to you? I am beginning to focus on more things that ultimately matter to me.
I am having to make myself stay in bed until at least 4:30am right now. Part of that is because today in a very different way what matters a bunch to me is, “I have today!” I want to get started, make my really excellent cup of coffee, read my bible, journal, write a little. That matters so much to me today and each day I am so grateful to get to do that.
My marriage to my beautiful wife Natalie, matters. The biggest struggle in this process is that my wife is going to have to deal with losing her husband. That breaks my heart and I have today. My time with her matters. I want her to understand how much she means to me and that she is loved. Not perfectly, but loved by me!
It matters to me that my children know and understand how much their dad loves them. That they could do nothing to make me love them more or be anymore proud of them. They are amazing and I love their spouses. I want their spouses to know that they are also loved by me and I am grateful and proud that they are doing life with my children.
It matters to me to take a walk with Gracie. That she and I can walk around our beautiful neighborhood and simply enjoy being in God’s beautiful creation. It matters to me that I am still able to exercise. I am not as fast, not as strong, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am still working out and in some ways for me I am kicking my brain tumor in the a!* and not letting it dictate how I will live me life.
It matters so much to me that anyone reading this knows their lives matter! That you each begin to understand just a little better that you have choices about how you will live your lives. That you each have unique skills, talents and stories. That each of you struggle with some pain, uncertainty and unknown but you can still live your lives well.
So today. Take a few minutes and think a little bit about. What matters to you? Also, Why! Why does that matter to you? That’s actually where the work is done……
Stay warm, safe and have a beautiful weekend. You are loved and of great value!!!!!
Peace,