Happy Monday!!!

Good Morning and Happy Monday! Hope you had a nice weekend and are ready for a new week. Got to spend some time with my daughter this weekend and that was wonderful. Still adjusting to the radiation and chemotherapy. It seems like by mid-day I am wiped out and that is hard to understand. Was in bed last night at 8:30 and it was a struggle to make it that long. Hoping my body will eventually adjust to the meds and respond a little better.

My mornings have been fascinating to me. I wake up very early and part of me wants to get up and enjoy, engage and be present in the day I have. For years and years, I have started my day reading my bible. That is important to me and somedays that stirs some thoughts and honestly somedays not so much. What is different right now is, I then tend to find myself sitting in my office and simply thinking about my life. To some level, I really have always done this, but today there is much more focus than ever before.

Here is the best part of this. My focus tends to be on how incredibly blessed I have been. When I was young, living in Rogersville, Missouri, I spent a lot of time outdoors. I found comfort and peace outdoors, but I also thought so much about what was missing in my life. The main focus was being fatherless and all the challenges that brought to my mom, sister - Chris and myself. This really bothered me much of my childhood, made me sad, caused me to question so many things about life and myself.

Finally meeting a women I loved, Natalie, getting married and doing life with someone started some healing, but I still struggled. Looking back now I see how things really did begin to shift my focus and this started some healing.

I worked at High Point for 3 years. High Point was a counseling center that kids and teenagers were admitted to and they stayed there, sometimes for months and months. I had an interaction with a kid one night that made an attempt to end his life. A fascinating story that I will write more about at some point. The big take away from that interaction was this kid did not feel like he had anyone that cared about or loved him and he wanted to end his life. I remember sitting with him and realizing much of what he was sharing was true but also having this moment where I realized this kid has to understand that there is a God who really does love and care about him!

In professional counseling centers, God and Faith were secondary things to focus on. For over a month, I wrestled with this idea of what do I do with this reality. This kid and others I was working with needed to understand that there really is a God who loves them and cares for them. What I probably did not fully understand at that point was, if I am ever going to help them or anyone understand this truth, I had to walk in and believe this myself!!!!!

I almost randomly ended up going to work for a church, doing youth ministry. I was pretty clueless and yet slowly God began to do some incredible work in my own life. I literally started to walk with kids every day who were struggling with faith, pain, questions, abuse and the very real challenges of life. What an amazing gift! I also had some realization that these were things I had to figure out and make peace with myself.

The greatest gift of almost 30 years of ministry I slowly began to understand, I can’t heal anyone, can’t fix anyone, but I can begin to be a small extension of God’s love and grace. The beautiful gift of ministry is that if you really begin to understand this truth and reality, God is first doing and amazing work of grace, peace and healing in me before He will use me to do that in anyone else’s life.

Once again, some thoughts that help get me to today and how I am seeing and dealing with my current reality!!!

I have a brain tumor that will end my life. It will end my life sooner than I want or sooner than I planned. That’s not my choice, but it also doesn’t change what I believe to be true. This life is temporary. Our world is broken, which honestly is very easy to see if you and I will open our eyes and minds. But,,,,, in the middle of this brokenness there is beauty, grace, love, and kindness.

The things I focused on growing up and as a young adult slowly completely changed. I believe I am one of the most blessed men on the planet. I have an amazing wife that I have been married to for 33 years. My children are amazing, and I could not be more proud of who they are today and how they live their lives. My two daughter in-laws and soon to be son-in-law are also amazing, unique and wonderful. The years of ministry work and counseling work I have been able to do have been such a gift and honestly never had anything to do with making money.

I struggle a little bit right now trying to accept that I am currently dealing with some physical realities that are new to me. I have always enjoyed my strength and athletic ability, and it’s really hard for me be limited in those areas in ways that are new and also frustrating. But, I still reflect on what I have been able to do physically for 57 years and I am grateful for that. My life has been such a gift.

So, once again I am writing down several thoughts that help me reset and focus on today! The sun is shining, I have a dear friend coming by at 10 for a visit. Natalie, Gracie and I will take a nice walk in the sun later today. I am and have always been a blessed man. I am grateful for that and find peace and comfort in that truth.

How about you today? What are some ways you have been blessed? What are some unique gifts and talents you have experienced in your lifetime? What is maybe a gift or skill that you need to use today in some simple way? Understand your own love and value and then let someone else in your life know they are loved and of great value.

Enjoy today, you matter and this world is a little better today because of YOU!!!!!

Peace,