“Check In, Update”

Hey Boys and Girls, hope each of you are doing well. Let me start with simply some info update and then I have a simple thought.

The last two weeks have been a mixed bag. The idea of that major surgery is, that it ideally will give me a little more time to live. The first 5 weeks I was greatly questioning that idea. The first two weeks I was simply miserable. I was sleeping a lot. The only challenge was it was not pleasant sleep most of the time.

The biggest challenge for me that started about the third week and lasted for a couple was this. I was on the edge of depression, I was never suicidal but I was convinced it would be better for everyone, “for me to hurry up and die.” I promise you, I have never struggled with that in my life. I felt physically terrible, had no idea what was next and I for the first time thought, “this tumor needs to hurry up and get this done.”

5th week I started to see a little bit of positive change in my mindset each day. But here has been some real challenges for me. The last two months I have not read two pages of anything. I don’t listen to the radio and when home alone the TV is never on. I have not listened to a podcast, book, nothing. Early in this process I would sit and stare.

I am getting more active. Still not doing any of those things. I did listen to a song this morning after reading my Bible. I have read the Bible consistently. I guess when they cut a chunk of your brain out, it impacts parts of your brain process, that before the surgery were very important.

I just finished my next round of chemotherapy last Friday. This chemo was twice the power of my last round because it is taken for 5 days each month. The end of that round, it kicked my butt. Yesterday I was feeling better and felling better today. I question chemotherapy. I have my next big check up later this month. I am curios to see how my brain, has responded to all this medical process. I believe it is to help your health. I also ask the question when you have a terminal illness. “How helpful is for myself and my family at some point to simply transition out a lot of unpleasant days?” I am sure there are many different opinions on that. I understand that and respect other opinions.

Okay, that is it for today. I had something else to share that is my mind, it is much better than what I just typed. My plan is to hopefully share that tomorrow. I did make notes on that topic to help me remember. I am amazed how quickly I can’t remember certain things. It is a big deal for me to do this, if for no-one else but myself.

I really do appreciate the support in many ways, so many people have given my family! That has been much better than all this medicine and medical procedures I have had since Dec.

Have a great day and remember, “YOU are LOVED and of GREAT VALUE!!!!!!”