“Living With Doubt”
Good Day, and hope things are going well for you. Beautiful day here but give it a little time and the rain will show up. We have had a lot of rain in our area. But right now the sun is shining. I am still working on more writing. There are simply some new challenges since my brain surgery that are hard for me to understand. Things are improving and I am grateful.
Just hit me, that the life water idea is a pretty good analogy of life. We all have times of beautiful sunshine and beautiful things in our lives. We also at different times, have life storms that produces some very real challenges. This brain surgery has created more of that for me. Not sharing, expecting anyone to fix that. I know many of you can relate and completely understand. This situation is not unique to me.
One big idea for me, that I am not crazy about but it does make sense, is this. More than a terminal brain tumor is this. “If you get pieces of your brain cut out, it changes some things for you.” I got some of my brain chopped out on March 31. It really is improving and I am grateful, but it has created some different dynamics in my life, more than I remember feeling or experiencing. I honestly have some fear in ways I never have. Certain things I remember well and newer things and people that I just can’t remember. It’s just been, at times a very uneasy process.
When I was walking this morning I had for me, a very helpful thought. I literally stopped and put a few notes in my phone. Complete sidebar example. I will think about some different things that I want to write about when I am walking. I get back to the house, a little later sit down to write and I can’t remember it. Very frustrating, but if I take a few notes I tend to remember. Trying to do more of that.
Here was my thought. “Everyone is going to die at some point.” We can dwell on that unknown and it can make us sad, mad, depressed and even sometimes we simply avoid reality. I “Don’t” know when I will die. I am alive today, “So Live and Focus On Today.”
It’s kind of funny, wonderful and very helpful. In ministry and counseling I have taught that idea, encouraged others with that idea and honestly tried to live that out. After this surgery and after they cut some of my brain out, I have struggled with this. What Is wonderful last night in bed my wife says, “ hey, listen to this.” She then reads me scripture from the Bible devotional she has used. Again what is so odd is, I know this stuff, have been living this stuff for years, cut a chunk of my brain out and I have struggled. What a blessing to have a wife who says, “listen and remember this truth.”
My walk was a blessing this morning. I needed a reset on what I know to be true. I needed Natalie to remind me of what I know to be true. I want to encourage some of you. Not because I have perfected any of this. Simply because, in a low moment, my wife and time with God on a nice walk, reminded me of “TRUTH.”
Remember, “YOU are LOVED and of GREAT VALUE.”
Peace,