It’s Your Decision
Hey Boys and Girls, I hope each of you are well. Let me give you a quick update and then share a couple of thoughts.
Got to visit with my neurosurgeon today, who continues to impress me, especially because of what she deals with every day. We decided that the next step will be to go in and get a good look at my tumor, take a biopsy and then make some harder next decisions. I like that plan. She said if we go in and remove the tumor, it will definitely impact short term memory and right now I am not very interested in that option. Today, I am still leaning towards quality of life over possibly getting more time.
I have to do some additional testing over the next few days and will go in Tuesday to have the biopsy. Should only have to stay in the hospital one night and recovery from the biopsy should not be too major. 2-3 inch cut into my scalp, so tomorrow I am going to my barber for a big haircut. Good chance you will get to see a picture of that in the next few days. So let me share a process I use with my clients that was first birthed out of my own use. It is rooted in this idea, “What you focus on gets bigger.” Let me explain.
What I have learned in my own work and the counseling work I do is that each of us have the control of what we choose to focus on. What you choose to focus on makes a big difference. I initially learned this from Victor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl helped me understand that many different, positive and negative things happen in our day to day life. Those experiences stimulate something in my brain and I then respond. Dr. Frankl helped me realize that there is a space between stimulus and response. In that space, if I can have the awareness and mental control I choose how I will then respond. He began to understand in the concentration camp where the German’s controlled every part of his physical life, they had no power or control of his mind unless he gave them that control. You and I absolutely have control of our mind or mindset, but I often give that away.
This briefly explains the diagram that I drew for the blog. Right now, I like you have some very real concerns and at time fears. I have some health concerns… I have some very real work and financial concerns. Today, I do not know if I will be able to continue to be a licensed professional counselor and earn a living to support my lifestyle. I am worried about how all of this will impact my wife, kids, family, and friends. What I also know is what I choose to focus on gets bigger. Some of these concerns are completely out of my control today. When I choose to focus on them, I can get overwhelmed and sit in fear and uncertainty.
The other circle in my diagram is the Circle of Influence. This is an area that I have some actual control. I have a voice. This is an area I can actually do something about today that might greatly impact my tomorrow. Today, after visiting with my doctor, I was able to focus on some things that need to get done, some areas I actually have some control. My administrative skills has never been my strength, but the last few months it has been a nightmare. The brain tumor helps explain some of that. Natalie had to help me get some stuff done that in the past I would have never ask her to do- another way I am having to learn how to ask for help. I will work very hard the next few days to stay in my circle of influence. Identify some areas that I absolutely have some control and influence. Doing that today will make tomorrow better. Today did not eliminate some of my very real concerns, but when I focus on those I get REACTIVE and typically very unproductive. When I stay in my circle of influence, I RESPOND and I get more done and feel like there really are some areas I still have some control and influence.
I hope some of that makes sense. If not just blame it on my brain tumor! What about you? What are some areas of concerns and fears that you may be giving way too much energy? Areas that you genuinely have very little control of but they make you reactive and typically unproductive. I want to encourage you to step into your Circle of Influence. Identify areas you genuinely have some control and influence. Live in that space more today and go make a difference in your life and others around you. There are so many things in this life we genuinely have no control of and those things will suck the life out of you and cause you to have a negative mindset. You have influence and your influence can make a little part of the world better today!
You absolutely have control of your mind and mindset. Do not let your circumstances or others have control of that, because what you focus on gets BIGGER!!!!!!!!
Peace,