Learning to Live and Die
Hey My Friends, Hope each of you are having a wonderful week. It has warmed up a little but my walk this morning did not feel warmer at all!!!!! But I got to get out and enjoy a new day!
My mind is certainly not quite what if use to be. It works the best when I am out walking. My thoughts are locked into different areas. This morning I thought through 3 different post I wanted to do! Several hours later I don’t remember many helpful details to my thoughts. I have slowly made peace with that and celebrate the gift of life I have today.
Natalie and I met with our new nurse who will provide care for me moving forward. The way my medical service will now be provided happens here at our house until I am done. My new nurse is a very sweet lady and seems to know very much about this journey, the medicine and how they will take care of me as the glioblastoma gets more active. That was not the best part.
Natalie was in our meeting and before we finished she had to go get on one of her work calls that she is responsible for. My nurse and I finished our conversation about meds and other care and then we shifted to my favorite conversation.
I explained that in my world “death” is part of life. My experience is, most people have very little desire to talk about death. I told her that my father’s death happened when I was 3. His death has impacted my life in so many ways. Over the years, it has become so comfortable for me to talk to others about death and all the challenges it brings to our life. In my work and working with others, I began to understand, death is real, it will happen to each of us in many ways. Let’s Talk About It!!!
What has changed for me is, I have switched sides of that conversation. In some ways it was easier to talk to others about their loss of a loved one or others navigating their own death journey. Now, I have to focus and realize my life is moving towards the end! I talk to friends and often mention none of us really know when our lives are going to end. But fighting some type of illness probably is a little different.
This is maybe a little different than most of my thoughts when I walk, but let me share this. My thoughts through this journey have been thanking God for His love and grace. All of my thoughts have been rooted in nothing but gratitude for the life God has given me. So here was my recent, conversation with God at the end of my walk today.
I asked God that on my last day of life, would he give me the strength and desire to take a short walk down to the lake with Natalie and my kids. The boys would need to help me get there, and once there we could sit down for a few minutes and look at the beautiful water and the sky. I have always been the closest to God in the outdoors. The boys could get me back home; I could sleep a little, and then later that evening they could all be with me when I take my last breath!
That sounds like a beautiful way for my life to end! I shared that with my new friend and nurse. She listened, smiled and said she would do everything that she could do to help that happen!!
This part of the journey is different. One of the differences is that God is as close as He has ever been!
YOU ARE LOVED AND OF GREAT VALUE !!!!!!!!!!!!!