New Day! New Week!
Good Morning and Happy Monday! Hope you had a wonderful weekend and are ready for a new day. I start radiation this morning and chemotherapy tonight. Will be interesting to see how my body responds to this process. Hoping it slows down the cancer and does not cause too much discomfort and feeling crappy.
This has been an interesting process for me. Definitely has been a little frustrating to have a brain tumor and also be someone who has consistently and on purpose lived a very healthy lifestyle. My counseling work and training have helped me personally and working with others to help understand, there are things we each have control of and some other things that are completely out of our control. I know this is true and it is still frustrating that there really are things outside of our control that can still have a huge impact on our lives.
I did not feel that great this weekend. Have had headaches and my energy level has been a little low. The last four days I have started having seizures again and that is very, very frustrating. Seizures do not completely disrupt my day or moment but they are simply odd. The biggest challenge is they simply remind me that something is wrong with my body, brain and that is really frustrating.
The other big reality is I simply can’t work right now. Counseling work is being completely present and focused on someone. That is one of the joys of counseling work. For years I have had the opportunity to sit with someone and be present for their struggles and challenges. It has been a beautiful gift to sit with others, encourage them and help equip them for a little better life. The gift of counseling work, began to show me, how blessed I was and slowly taught me to live with gratitude and focus. My role has shifted right now and I am struggling a little to make that adjustment.
So…. Here is a reminder to myself today as I start this new treatment. I really am and have been a blessed man. I have been married for 33 years to an amazing and loving women. Natalie and I have really enjoyed our life together, both have matured and grown together. She has been so present for me and I am slowly learning to rely on her a little more. That’s uncomfortable but I am getting a little better at it.
I can’t even begin to explain how incredible my children are and have always been. They simply amaze me and the opportunity to be their dad has been such a joy and blessing. Being a grandfather has been one of the most enjoyable roles I have ever played and it also makes me a little sad to realize I probably won’t have many years to do that. I am trying to figure out how to help my grandkids know about a grandpa that loved them and wanted to enjoy life with them.
I have had family and friends that have been such a blessing. I reconnected with an old friend this weekend. One of my closest friends in college, Brandon Boswell and I have gotten reconnected. What a joy and blessing. Makes me sad I allowed that friendship to get disconnected but that is different today and today I do have some control in that. These are areas of life that quickly remind me this morning that if my life ends today, I have had such a blessed life. This life truly is temporary and what I focus on day to day is completely in my control.
So… today as I start treatment for this brain tumor. I am grateful for my Dr.’s and health care support. I am grateful for my family. Grateful that 90% of the time my brain is still working pretty well. Grateful that I have provision today and can trust that in some way that will continue. Grateful that I am a child of God, loved by him and that in ways I don’t even usually understand God will continue to provide and give life to me and my family. I am grateful for Gracie and that again today she and I will be able to walk through our beautiful neighborhood. I am grateful that some of you read my silly post and share your thoughts and feedback. I don’t respond to each of you but your feedback really does matter and encourages me.
So… today I know some of you have some very real struggles. A quick reminder!!! You are loved and your life matters. Focus on areas you have control of and let go of areas that are out of your control. Enjoy today, take a short walk, write down a gratitude, remind someone in your life that they are loved. Take a deep breath and remember your life matters!
Peace,