“Still Figuring Stuff Out”
Happy Monday! Hope your week is off to a wonderful start. If you don’t like the weather every day, move to the Dallas, Ft. Worth area. Certain times of the year our weather can change daily. Chilly and rainy today after being very warm the last several days.
It’s crazy how this writing process has gotton a little more challenging for me. I am hoping that will continue to improve. My brain feels like it has slowed down, it can be very challenging to get the brain working correctly. Some people who have known me for a long time would tell you my brain has always been a “little off.”
A quick thought today.
Having this stuff cut out of my brain seems to have made me not think about many things and in some ways, it has made me think about other things. This will sound odd to some people. I knew early in this process, unless the Lord did a miracle and he does sometimes, this tumor would take my life. I did’t want that, but I knew that is the reality of life. I don’t believe I am being punished, I believe it is part of living in a broken world.
After this surgery my thinking shifted. For the first time in this process I started thinking, if this is going to take my life the sooner the better. It lets me get through the suffering part and allows my family and friends to get through this, work through their grief and move on. I have never thought about any of this that way until they started cutting stuff out of my head. It has just been weird and hard for me to understand.
It has started to change a little and that is part of why I am sharing. I am simply being honest and trying to understand some of this goofy stuff myself. The Dr.s said it will take a while for me to get my brain working correctly or closer to correctly. I am absolutely making some progress.
Think about this just a minute. It has been very helpful the last week.
King David, know “as a man after God’s own heart” struggled with some of this. If you read some of his writing you began to see a pattern. He would often start his writings with comments about how God was not with him. He wrote about his fear, being alone and forsaken by God. But then he would transition to God was truly with him, caring for him, providing and with him, even when life was hard.
I like that idea. Life can be really hard sometimes. Think about times in your journey of life and how difficult it can be. Life being difficult is a very real part of this life. I don’t like that, but I could have never worked in ministry and counseling with out some understanding of this. I am no different than any body else in this world.
Having this brain tumor in no way makes me believe that my life has not been an incredible blessing. I will take as much time as the Lord gives me and want to live each day with some gratitude. I may have some moments, like King David where I question God’s movement in the world, but I want to come back to God’s love and grace.
Remember, You are Loved and of Great Value!!!!!!!
Peace,